It’s a Calgon Take Me Away Day

Do any of you out there remember that commercial? The lady has a hard day and she jumps into the tub and says in her most sultry voice, “Calgon take me away.” And then all of her problems magically disappear because of her fabulous bath.

Well, I personally hate taking baths, and it is only early morning still, but it is already a “Calgon Take Me Away” kind of a day.

As I have mentioned earlier this week, Emily has the cold from hell. Snot, sore throat, and loads of drama. Is there a prescription for drama?

There was a time not so long ago that she actually listened to me when I told her what to do to feel better. Now in her ripe old age of almost 10 apparently it is she who knows best.


I have bought all of her favorite foods, made every kind of liquid imaginable, taped enough movies to get us into 2010 and she is still cranky. Then there is the trumpet. The trumpet is her blowing her nose so hard even when there is nothing there.

2 bloody noses later, she still believes that she is right and I am wrong when I tell her to just stop blowing her nose and r-e-l-a-x already. Let the Vicks do its job. Let everything do its job. Drink. Eat. Be Merry.

But alas, she is almost 10 and heaven forbid I know what is right. Right?

So she wakes up this morning and says she is “dying”. She has a fever of 99. When she was 4 she had a fever of 103 and was singing and coloring and adoring me.

She is not adorning me today. And she does NOT find Tyler and my jokes remotely funny.

Tyler ends up bringing her into Urgent Care and she has a sinus infection. I am sorry to say this, but thank goodness she has something.

Despite the diagnosis and the medicine she is still not finding us funny. She still is insisting on blowing the trumpet. So finally I give up and do the opposite of everything I have been saying.

“Fine. Don’t drink. Don’t eat or sleep. Keep blowing your nose even though everyone has told you to stop. Apparently that is working well for you.” And I left the room.

It didn’t even take 5 minutes and she came to me and asked if she could stay in the living room and close her eyes for a bit. She slept for 30 minutes, woke up and came to me on the computer.

“Hi” she says “Can I have some juice? I haven’t blown my nose and I feel better. Wanna watch some TV with me?”

Miracle of miracles my sweet child is back. All I had to do was the opposite of everything I know to be good and right.

So do you think when she is 16 I should tell her to totally dress like a tramp and sleep around?


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