Things That Go Bump in the Night

Well, if they do go bump, I surely can’t hear them.

Yes, I am blessed to be a ridiculously, sound sleeper. One might say I even sleep like a log. What does that mean anyway? Logs don’t sleep, yet I have been using that phrase for almost my entire life.

Is this log sleeping? 


Since I am such a sound sleeper, I worry that I will not wake up on the rare occasion that either of the girls may need me. To that extent, even though Emily’s room is right next to ours, I kept her baby monitor on until she was 6 years old, just in case.

Silly, or smart?

I will not wake up to branches hitting our window in a bad storm, or the dog barking on Tyler’s side of the bed, but the softest whisper of “Mommy” on the monitor and I sit bolt upright.

I think the reason I sleep so well is that we have a security system. No bump in the night is going to wake me. If it doesn’t set off the alarm, it is nothing to worry about.

The Siren

When I bought this house I immediately had a security system put in. Being a single mother living alone, it was a no brainer for me. I had grown up with one and knew that I needed the assurance of knowing my house was intruder free.

What I didn’t know was that the original owners had installed a bullhorn to magnify the siren to that the entire neighborhood could hear the piercing and deafening noise and come running to the rescue.

One would think that at 2:00 AM and the siren goes off, one would piss their pants. Right?

Intruder! Intruder!

Nope. Not Tyler and Me.

We jump out of bed, Tyler grabs a baseball bat and we run to go and turn that damn thing OFF! Never once have we stopped to think what exactly we would do if there were actual intruders in the house.

Tell them to be quiet so they don’t wake up the girls? Move them out of the way so I can stop the noise? Turn into Ninja Woman and beat the crap out of them?

On average the siren goes off 4 times a year. So that means that 4 times a year we are really 2 dim-witted people.

We wait for the security company to call us and find out if they should send the police while each of us searches the house for signs of intrusion.

Never once in the eight years of ownership has there ever been an intruder. (Knock on wood)

And never once has either of the girls woken up to the sound of the Siren From Hell.

Apparently the girls sleep even better than I. Case in Point:

Emily has a dresser at the end of her bed. This week she kicked it so hard while sleeping she pushed it over. It made a loud and horrible noise crashing to the ground. I was already awake and came running to her room, walked in and yelped, “What the hell!”

She slept through the entire thing. I pity her kids.


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