“Drive” Me Crazy

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I am starting to wonder if my parents living next door to us might be detrimental to my girls. One thing I do know is that it is testing my patience and is the most recent cause of the new streak of white hair on my head.


Thanks guys.


My dad is a car guy. Loves ‘em. Treats his cars like he would a child. From the age of 12 on, my dad would give me driving advice to prepare me for the future:


“Do you see that car over there? The one with the dents and rust? Stay away from cars like that because they just don’t care. Also, never park by one – they will dent your car for sure.”


“Always take your time backing out. Never be in a hurry, just go slow and be patient.”


We never ate in the car. We never had beverages in the car…. Even when cupholders were invented because you might spill something!


I took a vacation with them once when I was in my twenties and had my own brand new car and my own money. I decided to drive myself to the golf resort.


I passed them on the highway, rolled down my window, grabbed my can of coke and held it in the air as if saying “Hello, see how much fun YOU could be having?” and then I sped off.


When I first moved into this house, my dad, who felt sorry for the “poor single mother,” would often volunteer to wash my car for me to save me some money. He washed his once a week, but rarely drove it because (god forbid) it might rain and get spots all over it.


(You are wondering now, how I turned out normal, aren’t you?)


Well on Saturday I took Emily to the movies. We had a blast, but when we came back to our car, we noticed that people had parked in the row behind us and thanks to the major snow drifts, there was very little room for me to back out.


Me: Oh No. I am not sure I can get out of here because these people parked where they shouldn’t.


Emily: Just pull back until you hit something and pull forward until you hit something. Pull back until you hit something, pull forward until you hit something.


Me: WHERE IN GOD’S GREEN EARTH DID YOU HEAR THAT?


Emily: Grandpa. That’s was he says when he picks me up from school. That parking lot is a nightmare, you know.


Me: OMG – OMG – OMG –OMG You do realize that he was kidding! You cannot hit cars ever!!


Emily: Ya Mom. I know! I never listen to Grandpa!


Me: Thank you. You see, when you are in a tight spot, always take your time backing out. Never be in a hurry, just go slow and be patient. Hey! Stop eating your popcorn, you’ll spill all over my clean car!

Ahhhh…. Dad would be proud.

“Self Portrait”
2007
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