I Will Never Be a Leader of a Cult

Precisely one year ago I got my iPhone.

I could go on and on telling you the fantabulous benefits to an iPhone, but I won’t. Let’s just say I call it my 3rd child; I love it THAT much.

What I will tell you that back in December my mom decided to upgrade her phone as well.

Now, let’s take a minute to talk about Tina, my mother.

Tina rarely even turned her old cell phone on, let alone texted.

Tina still uses AOHell DIAL-UP despite my weekly pleadings.

C’mon, let’s just all take a moment to reflect on the fact that she still has dial-up. Say a prayer, close your eyes… whatever.

(A moment of silence)

So when Tina asked me what phone she should get because she wanted to text, go online, do email and get apps, what do you think I said?


Yes, I showed her all of the cool features.

Yes, I did my best ad campaign.

No she didn’t!!

She bought a DROID!!!

She wanted to be on the “forefront” of technology.

So my mother, Tina, has a Droid and she brought it over to my house so I could help her learn it.

But she doesn’t want me to actually touch it.

I’m not going to lie to you. There were some terse words uttered by me.

I showed her a couple of things and then I told her to return it and get an iPhone.

30 days later…

Tina calls me regularly from her Droid and in the middle of a conversation she accidentally hangs up on me.

Not once.

Not twice.

Something like… eleventy hundred times.

Then when she wants to show me how cool the voice dialer is and she says “Call Walgreens” into the phone and it dials The Library instead…

Not Once.

Not Twice.

But 4 times in a row.

I just shake my head and repeat over and over: “You can still get an iPhone. Come to my side. It’s good over here.”

Knowing how much I detest her phone, she has started to campaign on behalf of Droid by texting me daily. Here are just a few examples:

Mom/Droid: Why do u not like me? Droid likes u.

Mom/Droid: Droid thinks u r pretty.

Mom/Droid: Droid misses u.

Mom/Droid: Droid want to know what u r doing.

I have come to accept that I will never be able to lead her away from Dial Up AOL or from her, frustrating Droid and that is okay.

Just make the creepy texts go away.


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